“Kings and philosophers shit, and so do ladies. Even on the highest throne in the world, we are seated still upon our arses.”― Michel de Montaigne
We often extend an idea of people into this world–that because they resemble X they are Y. For example, because they are Christian, they are innocent. Further, because they are jovial, it means they are happy. That is the lowest basis of projection…but at the highest, it is the most destructive. I speak of the thoughts–the revelries condoned in the name of an individual. Let me begin by saying that this world is full of great people, intelligent, kind, beautiful, and lovely. However, we forget that there is a nature imbued in them, one of “human.” One that masks the putridness, the anger, insolence, and many more. The same that sneers as it laughs; stabs as it hugs you; wages war while it plans peace.
I do see this world for what it is (and this includes myself), deplorable and wretched. Surely, an existence where all are fighting the other. Where a smile quickly turns sour, where admiration eventually stagnates you. So too, I see the world for its beauty, the potential in all humans to be good. I must admit that my mind is torn two ways—for how can it be that these two natures exist seamlessly?
I see the game society plays–every…single…day. Sometimes it gets boring, seeing people walk through life with no passion, blinded by what they see, adopting a grounding that breeds no fruits. But who am I to critique, for as Terrence says, “whatever is human, is not alien to me.” My instinctual disposition is to fully remove myself, isolate and observe–for if I am human, then these qualities remain in me, and if in me, I must purge them…utterly.
A friend of mine told me this, “Do not join the game, just watch.” How! I cannot seem to agree with him, for regardless one has to play the game. This is indeed a world where mankind eats mankind–a world where the good sometimes perish, and the evil sometimes flourish. A world where though the religious speak of justice, of reaping what one sows…there are by some great chance many who overcome those odds. Who seems to bend the rules of reality, displacing God himself…but who am I? For have I not harmed others as well? Am I then not a hypocrite?
I still cannot understand still—why the game must be played. There is nothing of value in it. Nothing. Sure, I can show myself to be a person of great learning and fool the crowd. Simply recite a verse from Virgil; mention [insert a philosopher] a prolific writer, and all are amused. Even if I offer no original thoughts, nothing of value. It is an age of appearances, where I must act “virtuous,” “act manly,” and that will just be so. An age of acting is what I call it. An age where many adopt a persona simply to gain an upper hand. Still, as I write this, I look at myself in the mirror—perhaps I have given myself an unnecessary standard, for no matter what I will sin in time. This is not an excuse, for I know I must overcome.
Wait…I think I SEE. Do I seem perturbed by society’s roving eyes? Wishing to disassemble every moment of mine, till they interrogate and find some ounce of guilt, a trip…then fall I do? Why must I care? I guess I’m learning not to. My life is my own, and I grow each day. That is the nature of the crowd, that I am aware. To stand bare and watch, applauding and at once revolting. They choose a champion today and turn on him the next day.
The goal then is not to preach to the crowd, but I am merely expressing my thoughts. Simply keeping it real for what should I fear from you? You’re human just like me, you cry, bleed, defecate, all it seems. In the end, we all die, our carcass left to rot. All our knowledge, sexual adventures, religious observances, awards–heck even if you won the Nobel prize, all that goes to nought. I suppose that is part of the game; we mask ourselves with titles–to bolster our appearance, giving the semblance of the divine, a seeming immortal.
It was Rousseau who said it best–though I will not spend time quoting his words. The civilized man versus the brute. One has all his technology within grasp. The other simply his fist. Round 1, the civilized man with his tools, will obliterate the savage man. Round 2, strip of all his tools, the savage man will massacre the civilized man; this he [Rousseau] proposes to be an unfair fight. So too with society…titles, honor, glory, aura…whatever it be, if it is inauthentic, it is simply a tool to hide. A way to ward off enemies, to gain popularity, to cement one’s self in the hall of heroes–but alas we are simply nude, all of us. All we do is use fig leaves to cover our precious parts…for in the end, we are all the same; yes, those tools undress us as we walk, for the reality is this, we are all humans, all living, breathing, and—you know what I would say.
I’m simply sick and tired of seeing the game–I feel bored with life and living. To discern the thoughts of another instantaneously, that is a great burden you see. To observe the traps laid down–you cannot do nothing but laugh. A great thief will go through great lengths to conceal his cunning, but what use for society when you see it clearly? No. I am not all-knowing, but the patterns are evident for me. It is all the same. The game repeats each day. I suppose Solomon was right, wise indeed, to say “there is nothing new under the sun,” (Ecclesiastes 1:9). A heavy sigh escapes one’s nostrils, the head convulses, my left hand fidgets—for day by day many grow older, and without dying are already dead.
Church too makes me laugh–oh God, the religious field is just a circus ground. Again, I feel myself like a St. Augustine…MY GOD MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE? THE MERCY YOU’VE GIVEN ME DO I DESERVE? I SWEAR MY LORD I’M NOT CRITICIZING, I’VE LEARNED TO WALK MY WAY AND NOT CARE. To notice the game and be unfazed…to see others promote it, but I walk away. I know it is said, “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” What if I see both mine and his? And wish to remove both at once—is it still hypocrisy? Answer please! I beg you.
I say I do not care, but I have lied—I cannot stand to see one suffer, I guess that’s why I try.
A friend told me this one day, “You can have ideas, but you must interact with people.” To say, we change the world relationally–one by one changing hearts, till eventually all is well. Though I doubt if all will be, in this cursed world ruled by entropy.
I truly love humans–I truly do. Made in the image of God, oh beauty rules. I have tainted their view, at times when I act contrary to what I know to be true. I feel remorse, for what did I do? A child of God…my own hands crucify, even without meaning to? A child of God spat on by me, though this I planned to do. There is potential within all to do great, to achieve the peak, and shine greatly. But what do I mean by love? Ehh, their dignity I see. One does not have affection for enemies, but that does not mean I don't wish well. You think you caught it? Thinking I see all as enemies…you don't think I saw you thinking that? Perhaps this is you, “AHAHA I’VE CAUGHT YOU!” Mmcht, you’ll have to try better next time, for I saw what you saw before you did.
I see love in two parts, one for greater humanity and one for my kin. Within the one for kin are two categories, one reserved for romance and the other for friendship. Of romance, this I hold hidden–its meaning being this: Romance to me is a dance. The soul of two combining as one. I find it beautiful, you see. I take it VERY seriously indeed. I wish to observe my partner look at me, lost in my eyes, a twinkle in her eye, yes my love, just look at me, I’ll stare back and get lost looking at thee. No, love is not all pleasant; it brings its toil–warfare and all. For if life is no rainbow and sunshine, love (a part of it) is not. I recognize that fact and wish to stand tall, be steadfast, patient, and work hard. Still, I hate when society views it negatively…painting it villainous, and at once seeking for it. It's either you hate it or love it…hmm, you think you caught me again? “NO, IT’S EITHER/AND, YOU CONTRADICTING BABOON.” I simply smile at you and say, “Indeed it is,” then simply walk away.
I shall not go deeper into love for kin–for this is my writing, I do what I want. Love for humanity I see as pleasant. To love everyone means to have kindness; this costs us nothing, for all are in need of it. One to understand, to recognize, to support…this indeed we need. Love for humanity looks at the heart, sees each as broken, and seeks to mend the parts. I do not see enemies, for I have none. Who can I call my enemy, if not my own self? The one who sabotages my living, disturbs my day-to-day; the same I have to fight perpetually. So, no dear reader, I do not hate you. I see much in you–greatness ready to explode. Still, I see the obstacles you face–insecurities and fears, loneliness and trauma, despair and suffering…these I see in all. The mask falls in front of me, for even when you laugh, I see you cry. I'm unbothered by the characters at play; we each adopt a face…but like mascara, it does fade away. Intermittently, if one pays attention, one second is all it takes to reveal the true facial expression.
I judge no one, for who am I? To condemn, that I do not do. Only God is the judge, that is His job to do. “ACTUALLY….” just shut up, let me speak. Everyone toils and all are a little crazy–one soothes this way, and the other another. Some harm themselves and others. I call and see a better way, that I shall die on a hill. The same for me, for I too am broken…in need of a savior. Yeah, I must save myself, I see. Someone has indeed already saved me. These two exist as one, for He shows me the path, but I must walk it. I must overcome and fight, though He guides me. We all deal with issues–the matter is are we trying? We’ve got it wrong; we should be fighting those who are stagnant…those who do not care and wish to not grow. Not fight, excuse me, seek to awaken them. At once there are some who do not care, and society at large defects to that side. So, what must be done? I say, cast a wide net, and those who wish will accept it. That way you help as many as you can, give a choice to those who do not–all while saving your energy. Heck, even Christ said it best, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28.) Even God does not expand himself beyond his ability. You can lead a donkey to water, but only he must drink it.
In the end, I agree with Schopenhauer, that the natural state of existence is one of suffering. Indeed, we augment our misery. Our wanton pleasures–illogical drives and wishes. All these make me chuckle. Let me drop the mask, have you ever heard this debate between men and women? One side accuses the other of being a womanizer; the other accuses the one of being a fake lover. Alas, I just laugh because both do the same. The one side is a “man-izer” (I do not care, this word I create.) The other as well does not love. Both sides accuse each other of having depraved standards, while both are guilty. Society loves sex, I mean it is human nature, but have you ever heard Christian couples talk as if they detest it? Still, in the corner of their soul, they know their heart burns for it. With these and more, I just laugh. One more, have you ever seen the debate on what it means to be a man? In Christian circles, they ask for a “man of God” and at once seek passion, to be fluttered, and devoured. These are not opposites, for they can both exist in one. I find it ridiculous when they paint one as final, while their desires seek for a supplement, all natural. Yes, I chuckle and laugh, and yes, I try my best to overcome my own failings. For I do not laugh to laugh, I laugh and weep; if this is great in others, how much greater is it in me?
Okay, back to Schopenhauer; existence is bleak, all of us suffer. Hence his saying that we should gaze upon each other and see brothers and sisters in misery. This I see daily, and hence why I propose a break from the illusion. To come together, drop the mask and cease the game. But who am I kidding, the game is “fun” so carry on.
As for me, my friend said it best, just observe and—
Yeah no. I won't tell you the rest.
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