In his Discourse on Inequality, speaking of the differences among men and their “naturalness,” Rousseau says, “a robust or a delicate temperament, together with the strength and weakness attaching to it, often derives from the manly or the effeminate manner in which one has been raised rather than from the original constitution of the body.” Though his discourse pertains to inequality and its arrival in society—however, one can get from this, as I will attempt to express, an antidote to an issue many deal with. I speak here of improving as an individual—growing and maturing as a person, and the envy we encounter whereupon we notice one who has abilities sharpened, compare ourselves to them (in a form of brutal self-flagellation) and strip from ourselves hope that we too can be as they are.
Rousseau in this quote brings to mind that there is an element of fortune that comes into play in regard to how one was raised: perhaps you are fortunate to have had both parents, or still fortunate to have had a great community, and still perhaps fortune has given you a childhood free from traumatic events. There is the other side, for fortune does not discriminate in her gifts, perhaps you were unfortunate to not have grown up with parents, unfortunate to have had extremely painful experiences that to this day hold you captive, and yet unfortunate still to be tossed around in life, going to and fro with no ability to remain stable. All in all, the way in which one was raised—the abilities and understanding arises mainly from childhood. If one were fortunate to have had a parent or a guarding that instilled knowledge of how the world is, and how one to be, there is an almost guarantee that such a person would grow up to be different as opposed to another who have not been given such an education. When one realizes this and compares their own lives, they might (if fortune has not been so favorable) begin to feel within anger...shame...rage, all at the world that this world is unfair. To make it worse, if one was bullied or made fun of, then it is no surprise that such feelings become intensified.
In my youth, as I still remain---I have seen within myself many changes, of which I am proud of, but I'm not satisfied with. I mean, like you all I am still growing--still learning, still breaking free and will one day emerge...and then the entire process begins all over, until I die. Growing up I did not like myself at all, seeing myself to not be very appealing physically nor intellectually. Well, I'm still on that journey--but I've realized a few things which can help you on yours. (1) As aforementioned, we ought to realize that indeed fortune is at times "unfair" with what she gives. Certain individuals are taller than others, some are much more capable mentally, and still others more handsome/beautiful than others. While one realizes this, it must be that nature also has given YOU (you and I) certain qualities which are our own. Often, the trouble arises when we focus much on what others have, rather than what we have---though another is taller than you, what qualities do you have in excess? You are perhaps a quick leaner, the potential to be a leader, one who is able to communicate and many other things which you neglect. The goal of self-improvement, as I've realized, is not to mimic what another has--but if another has something in excess, it is to learn from them that ability they have to maximize. The truth is we are all different, our humor, style, likings, aversions and etc.--what we ought to look for are principles that people abide by. That person you admire, they abide by principles that maximizes themselves, making them one who everyone gravitates towards--likewise, you should work on adopting these principles (respect for self, patience, assertive traits, positivity, etc.) Instead of trying to be another person, work and focus on yourself, that you are someone worthy, one who has their own quirks--uniqueness.
(2) One must also be aware that there is a much harder pill to swallow, that when it comes to envisioning one's road to improvement it seems sweet, empowering and riveting...however as Morpheus told Neo, "There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path." I mean hey, let me be a bit transparent here, for one who has for a long time (ppssst and I still do) use social media to escape from my thoughts, and when things go rough to feel so deflated that I cannot move--it is not easy to get one's self up, and deal with the problems life occasionally throws our way, or the ones we walk ourselves into. However, one must realize how illogical it is to run from learning, and rather scrolling on social media for hours a day---wasting one's life, on nothing worthwhile. Fret not, for even if one realizes this, there is often a call to do that which is illogical, because doing the hard thing is often (or SEEMS to be impossible). To grow is a matter of motivation, that one strives forward regardless of what comes, easier said than done. Hence, there is needed a constant motivation, which eventually leads to the building of discipline...eventually is the key word here.
(3) This is to me the most important, to be patient. In patience, I speak here that we are aware of the end goal (that is we have a destination) but our main focus is on the journey. I have tried to undertake many skills, and hobbies (let us take bodybuilding for example), and what I realize is that I often burn myself out---why you ask? Well, I focus on the end goal and compare my today with the tomorrow, wearing myself out...not realizing that the morrow will come, if I work today. See I have it backwards, all the hard work that is being done leads me to my goal, but my goal does not lead to my goal. We often give up before we even start, yearning for the goal to come true, rather than looking at the necessary steps that leads to it, those small moments which themselves are necessary---that we should fall in love with.
(4) Community. One needs a community, those who encourage you to push yourself, and vice versa. Those who support you to be your best self, and vice versa. No man is an island--and believe me, for years I believed that I could be alone, by myself, just me---how quickly did I come to realize that such a thing is ridiculous, you need someone, or people. You really do. One man alone can carry only so much, how much can a community carry; one man alone can learn so much, how much more can a community learn. Self-improvement, as the road is difficult, means we will have days where we seem to be going backwards, and it is on those days that we require someone to urge us on...to give us that extra energy to move forward. Without community, we are simply one person trying to move, and finding it difficult as the boulder is too heavy to carry. As it is said, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. For if one falls down, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10).
In conclusion, here I am again. I hope this has been helpful to you in any way. Lastly, I would like to mention that it is good to have realistic goals--if you're going to the gym, do not expect to be "buff" in two weeks--if you're trying to build a new habit do not expect it to set in, in a matter of two days. The road is bumpy, dips and falls. Remember, no matter where you are in this process you ought to at the same time be grateful, the determination to change is much more than a start. I am on this journey like you are, I have a long way to go, and guess what, I've come far...REALLY far. I leave you with this chart:
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