We speak in this world and generation of love—though often in an idealized version, full of feelings, whereupon if we “feel” good then we choose to love a person, and conversely, we wish to debark. Mistake it not; love comes with a connection—a mutual understanding, a metaphysical bond whereupon it’s as if the other person is your mirror, and you theirs. A bond where openness is the basis, where one can look at your soul, and you look at one’s soul, and despite all the ugliness connect with that person. Moreover, love includes seeing the person as they are—a human being, with their own qualities, yet that ability too to discern them, it’s as if one were in their hearts, and capable of viewing and seeing them even if a blindfold were put over one’s eyes. All this is underscored by communication, the ability to express the feelings and thoughts in one’s mind, and as well understanding—not that each time we will be understood, for we all live on an island. However, at least the attempt to comprehend one’s position is the key for understanding. Who can forget empathy, and the ability to care?
You see, love is not enough…this much is known, for it involves a myriad of things. However, at once love is enough for it encompasses all things. Like it is said, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Mistake it not, do not go around copying this and pasting this on your partner, for no one can ever fulfill all of these—but is there a work towards? Is there at least the existence of these traits within such a person?
My heart burns while typing this, for I consider myself a great lover. Hopeless romantic? I’m not sure about that. However, much theory leads to much more theorizing…for love is experiential as well. I can speak all I want of the characteristics of love, the dynamics of a relationship, and the experience that sharpens love…but I cannot ignore that it is to be lived, it is a story—and sadly or gladly, like all stories it is filled with ups and downs, pit-stops, hills, valleys, joy, distance, and many more of the like. Like every story certain parts seem never ending…or incomprehensible, yet at a later time all is explained. Like every story the most gruesome moments seem like an inescapable chasm, till one has passed over and said “oh, this was not as bad as I made it.” True indeed we make certain moments as bad as they seem for “we struggle more in imagination than in reality (Seneca.)”
I will not extend further than should, thus here is what I've come to the conclusion of–and it is something I am applying, and hope I have done a great job of learning. Love at the base is a promise. A promise to choose this person, amongst all others, a promise to stay with this person despite all others. This promise extends from the present to the future. I speak not here of a vacuous love, nor cases of abuse or mistreatment…that is not love. A conscious decision to make a promise…but be aware, one may think of love, may try as much to weigh the aspects of a person, but at the end of the day it is still a gamble. Second comes the choice, which hangs on choosing to adhere to the promise. Each day anew, each “potential” person met…though these feelings are real, and we ought to understand them as the natural order of being human, appreciate, move on, and set boundaries…but eventually we come to our senses so to say, carrying on our choice, despite what may. The choice is where love is expanded, for in each choice to choose our partner, we fortify that ability…and from that fortification comes about a deeper connection. From that deeper connection, the ability to choose becomes ever present–ever easily able to fall on it. Yes, days may be hard…so are times, but the ability to still stay remains ever capable to us. The last one, which is often misunderstood as love, is feelings. The most volatile, destructive, and incoherent at times. We may feel pulled in different directions, but in reality, we remain in one place. Our feelings carry us to worlds unknown…to places never trekked and make them to be places of joy. Our feelings too bring upon us woes that may never happen, and many which are ridiculous to conceive when spoken out loud. The best we do with our feelings is lay in them…enjoy the good ones, and those that bring about anxieties are to be examined, felt, and allowed to pass. In all honesty, all we need sometimes is a good nap. I suppose when couples who have been together for quite a while don't always FEEL the love but whenever they look at each other there is a being of admiration and affection. It seems like our society has it backwards, where the feeling is the foundation, and depending on the feeling the promises and choices are made.
So, what does that mean for me? Well, strengthening that concept and fortifying it within myself. Daily building my capacity to love–fashioning that romantic aspect that God almighty has given me. Make of it what you will on your end, for these are merely my thoughts that I share with everyone.
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